Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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