he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
