Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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