she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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