Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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