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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
