Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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