i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
