I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
