it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize