Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
