and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
