I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
