I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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