you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
