these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just had sex on a roof
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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