Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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