keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
