Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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