so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So many bounce houses so little time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
