What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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