I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
