so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
