She is in my trunk
id be glad to
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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