I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
