So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
