Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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