I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
