she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
