Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
