So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
