it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
