Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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