a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
