What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
