dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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