Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
how does that bad decision feel?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize