We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
