Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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