Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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