I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
and she was petting her beer can
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
