the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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