I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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