I am in a vortex of obligation.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize