Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
