your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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