Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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