New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
