is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
