K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
