the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
