I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the condom got lost in my hair
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
