dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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