Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
