so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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