So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I need water and some morals
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
