I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They took my balls.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
