Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
