the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
