I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
