he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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