Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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