Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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