There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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