the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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