hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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