I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
