she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
