You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize