I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
