I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
