Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My penis needs a shock collar
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
