Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
