you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
