I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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