I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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