Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
false alarm. still invincible.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
