im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
