I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
