If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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