R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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