Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
