saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
