i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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