At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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