I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
