found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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