Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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