The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
