So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize