shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
