I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You were trust falling into bushes
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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