2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We're too hungover to prance.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
