all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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