I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
