Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
