Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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